I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
