ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
