So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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