At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
