I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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