I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
