We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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