So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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