I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Randomize
