Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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