you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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