i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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