yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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