3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
