I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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