She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
