Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Randomize
