i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
