I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
