Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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