capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
