Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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