Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
