if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
