he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
