i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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