Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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