I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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