is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
