where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
