How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
