now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
