..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
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