I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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