he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
