I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
