did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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