dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
