At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
