I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
