remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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