I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
