You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
