i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
