the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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