I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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