im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
