3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
