I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
