Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
