Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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