i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
