College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
