MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
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She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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