He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
