Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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