so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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