I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize