He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
