forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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