When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
