she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
