I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
