my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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