And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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