Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
