oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
