oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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