eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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