My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
