Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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