If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
