Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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