that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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