I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
