How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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